Photo by 赵铭
Note from Kuang:
不论什么时候去姚阿姨的菜摊子，她总是热情地笑脸相迎，如果没有这次的采访，不会想到她的笑脸里藏着这么沉重的人生。跟之前聊过的很多人一样，姚阿姨也说，她只是这个社会千万个毫不起眼的普通人之一：“这么多年，来来往往的人问我菜怎么卖，从来没有人问过我的人生。”
Whenever I visit Yao’s vegetable stall, she greets me with a big smile. Without this interview, it would never have occurred to me that her cheerful face conceals such a toilsome life. Like many others I’ve interviewed, Yao says she’s only one of the millions of ordinary people trying to get by. “Over the years so many people have passed through, asking about the price of my vegetables. Nobody has ever asked me about my life. ”
Yao Xuemei, female, 56 years old, from Hebei, vegetable seller
These years, life’s not been easy for me.
I’m originally from Dingxing in Hebei. After I got married in 1985, I came to Beijing with my husband to open a small business.
We started selling vegetables at Hepingli Farmers’ Market, one of Beijing’s first large-scale farmers’ markets. After it was shut down in 2006, we rented a small semi-basement and tore out a wall to make it into a food stall. We sold vegetables there for 10 years before Beijing started cracking down on illegally built houses and we were forced to leave.
We scrambled until we found another place, but it got torn down again after only two years. After that we moved here. Though we need to pay 80,000 RMB a year, the good thing is this place belongs to the government, so we don’t need to worry that it will be demolished. We can just focus on our business.
Actually doing business used to be easier. Everything was a lot cheaper. It only cost a few cents for a half kilo of watermelon, and a few bucks for a half kilo of pork. And we didn’t need to travel all the way to the sixth ring to purchase the goods. Now we have to get up at 3 am everyday, and the market is always packed with other vendors. If we ever run late, some of the goods might even be gone by the time we arrive.
For all these years, we’ve been selling vegetables to raise our daughter and son, and to support their education. Even though they both attended public school, since we didn’t have a Beijing hukou, we had to pay extra to secure their spots. We made the payments from when they were in preschool all the way through high school. It was not a small sum.
Over 30 years of hard work, and we could never afford a house here. Working morning to night, what we earned was just enough to make ends meet. After paying rent every month, and paying this or that fee, we hardly had any money left.
My husband passed away five years ago. It happened very suddenly. We went to the market together that morning, and he even unloaded the car when we got home. By noon he was dead. We still don’t know what took him.
He was young, only 47 years old. We got along well, never fought much during our marriage. It’s more just that we were so busy earning a living, day in and day out, we didn’t have the time for quarreling.
For him to suddenly be gone like that—it’s very hard for me to accept. But what choice do I have? Life moves on. He used to be the one to load and unload everything from the market. Now it fell on me to manage our store. In the morning I go to the market by myself, load the car and bring the vegetables back. It’s difficult and toilsome. But in time I’ve gotten used to it.
Misfortune piles on misfortune. Two years after my husband passed, my son got into trouble.
He was working with two businessmen, doing their accounting for a highway construction project. Who could have known the project was connected to illegal activities? One businessman got sentenced to 19 years in jail, the other 18. My son was sentenced to 10 years. He is kept at Shangbancheng Prison in Chengde City.
I get to see him once a month. We talk to each other through the metal bars. My daughter-in-law and my grandson come with me on the visits. My grandson will be turning six in August. He’s a good kid. Even though he only sees his dad once a month, they’ve grown close.
Every month I send 3,000 kuai to my daughter-in-law to help support my grandson. I’m doing this partly so that she will stay in the marriage. I’m worried that if she wants a divorce before my son gets out, it will take away his hope.
My son is only 31 years old. He still has his whole life ahead of him. My hope is that he might be released early for good behavior. Every time I visit him, I try to encourage him to stay positive about the future. I remind him that his wife and son are waiting for him. This thought gives him a lot of motivation.
I have another big concern—my daughter. She is doing well with her job and she is quite filial. What I’m worried about is her personal life. She is 33 years old and still unmarried. She refuses to meet the partners I try to arrange for her. I don’t know what else I can do.
It’s true that our generations have very different attitudes toward marriage. For my generation, we had none of these expectations. If we could come together and have a steady life, that was good enough.
For all these years, my days have become an endless loop. I get up early to buy goods from the market, I unload and arrange everything when I get back, I work the whole day at the stall, then I go home to eat and wash up before bed. The days repeat like this, one after the other, for each passing year.
My life has all been centered on my children. Time’s flashed by before I’ve had a chance to reflect. And now I’m in my late 50s without having done anything remarkable in my life. I’ve brought up two children to adulthood. Maybe this can count as my biggest achievement.
Edited by David Huntington and Dan Xin Huang
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姚雪梅，女，56岁，河北人，菜贩子
我这些年过得太不容易了。
我老家是河北定兴的，85年跟我家那口子结了婚之后就一起来北京做小本生意。
刚来的时候，我们在和平里农贸市场卖菜，那算是北京最早的几个大型农贸市场之一，06年的时候拆了。我们接着在附近租了一个半地下的屋子，开墙打洞整出来卖菜卖水果，卖了差不多得有十年。后来北京查违建查得严，我们被迫搬走。
我们来回折腾另找了一处地方，谁想没干两年屋子又被划成违建，只好搬到这里。这里一年租金8万，但好在是公房，不用担心被拆，生意可算是做得安心一点了。
要说呢，以前生意还好做些，东西也便宜，西瓜几毛钱一斤，肉几块钱一斤，进菜也不用像现在要跑到六环边这么老远。我们每天早上3点就得起床，进菜得赶早，市场人挤人，去晚了有些货就没有了。
这么多年，我们就是靠卖菜供闺女跟儿子上学。两个孩子虽然上的都是公立学校，但因为我们是河北户口，只能算借读，要交赞助费，从幼儿园一直交到高中，算下来可不是一笔小数目。
忙活了三十几年，我们也没能在北京买个房。起早贪黑赚的钱刚好够养家糊口，每个月交了房租，再这个费那个费的，剩不了几个钱。
我老公5年前走了，猝死，走得特别突然。那天早上我们还一起去进菜，回来他还卸了一车货，到中午的时候人突然就没了，我们到现在也不知道猝死原因是什么。
他走的时候还年轻，才47岁。我俩感情挺好的，结婚后没怎么吵过架。关键是天天忙着奔生活，也没那闲功夫。
他就这么没了，我很难接受，但是没办法，生活得继续啊。以前进货卸货这些事主要是他做，他一走，这个摊子就全靠我打理了，早上我一个人去进货，来回搬东西，辛苦肯定辛苦，时间长了也就习惯了。
祸不单行，我老公走了之后没两年，我儿子又出事了。
他跟着两个老板，负责一个修高速的项目，他在里边管财务，谁知道这个项目涉黑，他老板一个被判19年一个被判18年。我儿子被判了10年，关在在承德的上板城监狱里。
我们每个月去看他一次，隔着铁网，说说话。每次我儿媳妇和我小孙子也一起去，我小孙子今年8月就该满6岁了。孩子很懂事，虽然跟他爸一个月才见一次，跟爸爸还挺亲的。
我每个月都给我儿媳妇打3000块抚养费。我出这个钱养小孙子，一方面也是为了留我儿媳妇，我怕她不愿意等到我儿子出来，那他在里头就没念想了。
我儿子89年的，人生的路还很长，我就盼他能在里面好好改造，争取早点出来。我们每次见他，也都是这么鼓励他的，加上有媳妇孩子在外头等着，他也就有动力了。
我还有一个操心的事，就是我闺女，她工作不错，对我也孝顺，就是今年33岁了还没结婚，给她安排相亲吧，她不愿意，我也没辙。
我们两代人的婚姻观也确实不一样。我们以前结婚，哪有什么要求啊，能一起踏实过日子就行。
这么多年，我每天重复着同样的生活。早上起床，赶早去进货，回来开始忙活，看一天的摊，收摊回去吃过饭就洗洗睡了，一年365天几乎天天这样。
我这一辈子啊，就是为孩子活的。天天忙忙碌碌，稀里糊涂地一晃就这个年纪了，没做成什么大事，把两个孩子拉扯大，可能算是我这辈子最大的成就了。
Kuang is the founder of Beijing Lights. She would love to hear your thoughts about the column and is open to new collaborations. She can be reached at kuang@spittooncollective.com.